Sometimes we auditors need to take a moment to chuckle. This page is
dedicated to that very thing.
If you have any auditing humor, please offer it up. I'm sure we all will
get some enjoyment out of it.
NEW! You
check the release date and rev level before you ready your daily
newspaper...[Thanks Ciaran] I just hate
it when the newspaper is one rev level behind -- ed.
NEW! You ask to see a material cert following the birth
of you child. [Thanks
Dave]
NEW! You
keep a calibration certificate for the thermometer [Thanks
Ciaran]
NEW! You
keep a compass in your car in the glove box [Thanks
Ciaran]
You
have the family org chart posted on the refrigerator [Thanks Randy]
-
Your
kids have a training matrix show what must
be accomplished in order to reach their
next birthday! [Thanks Randy]
You ask to
see the Gage R&R before you allow your blood pressure to be checked [Thanks
Dave]
-
you consider yourself well dressed if your socks match
-
you buy your spouse the complete set of ISO 9000:2000,
or the AIAG Supplier Seven Pack
-
you can write and talk at the same time, use ergonomic
pens, but still get writer's cramp
-
you have a non-ISO/QS vocabulary of 800 words
-
you have a checklist for everything
-
you can cite the ISO 9001 standard and the QS-9000
requirements, right down to the sub-clause, but not your own shirt
size
-
you issue nonconformities to everyone including
hotels, airlines, restaurants, rental car agencies, your paperboy,
etc. whether you are auditing them or not
-
you say, "How do you know that?", "Do
you have any objective evidence to support that?" when all they
say was, "Gee, isn't it a nice day?"
-
you speak and they get the feeling that they're having
a conversation with the IRS or Detective Columbo
-
you can read any and all documents upside down and
right to left
-
you know the ABC's of compromise from A to B
-
you leave you car running and facing 2away from the
building during the closing or wrap-up meeting
-
your briefcase contains a Phillips screwdriver, a copy
of both ISO 9001:1994 and ISO 9001:2000, a copy of QS-9000, half of a
peanut butter sandwich and a Snicker bar
-
you really don't find any of the above all that funny!
10. While ordering a Happy Meal at McDonalds drive-through, you were able
to incorporate the words empower, paradigm, and systemic.
9. Tattooed on you left arm is a fishbone chart, and on your right arm, a
pareto chart.
8. As part of your prenuptial agreement, you have asked your fiancée for a
copy of her complaint files, and you have begun referring to her mother as a
“subcontractor”.
7. Several of your employees think that Malcolm BALDridge was the first
president of the Hair Club for Men.
6. You have set up a quarantine area in your kitchen for meals prepared by
your spouse that do not meet your specifications!
5. Your quality consultant thinks that carving his initials on the picnic
table outside your office is what is referred to as “benchmarking”.
4. Your quality manager thinks the term “re-engineering” is something
that happens after two trains collide.
3. Your management representative has confused Juran and Deming with
Bartles and James.
2. Before leaving your car at the local garage for a tune-up, you ask to
see your mechanic’s procedures and work instructions.
And the top sign you've been working too hard on your registration:
1. Your household was certified to ISO 9000 before your plant was!
Thanks to our friends at NSF-ISR
for supplying us this list!
